Macclesfield area shocked by Spartan invasionand biblical rainfall

With GPS support the dads n lads made their way to the Viceroy. Following the theme of the Battle of Thermopylae which had been re acted in the dorms King Leonidas aka Nigel St John led the 300 Spartans-Saints into battle against Persian "god-King" Xerxes and his army of more than one million soldiers. Well the track down to Bollington was narrow and the sheep who were blocking our way looked like a million or so beasts of the night.

As the battle raged, Queen Gorgo (no names on tour please) rallied support in Sparta (a small village in West Cheshire)for her brave touring barmy- army with the message...”If anyone jibs out of the Vegetable Vindy, they better come home on their rugby bag not carrying it”.

On arrival a number of couples were in the restaurant, sipping Persico by the jug. In rolled 40 Spartans, with the boys in full battle gear and smelling like my Aunty Madges downstairs lavy, it was obvious that a number of Bollington spare rooms were going to be occupied by loving partners who had failed to double check their dinning destination would not be shared with a pack of ravenous wolves. One lady took one look at her partner and mouthed the words “ Wheres the chip shop, Im off, you can stay with that lot if you want”.

The “all you can eat” deal had been done by Pete G. He had sealed the deal with the statement “Are you sure you want to do a all you can eat?”. Well the waiters kept rolling in. 1st course disappeared in under 90 seconds. They thought the mixed starter plate with a number of mystery items would fox the boys – it certainly had foxed the health inspector last week but as the tests were not back from the lab we cracked-on. This time, having questioned the number of popadoms the lads went through the 2nd course in much the same way as a car is “lifted” in that golden globe nominated (not) classic “Gone in 60 seconds”.

Un daunted the buckets of curry, rice and nan kept coming. How the mothers will ever get the bhuna stains out of the shirts is not our problem! Section 27b of the tour rules is clear on this point.

With Sean and Tom b’day boys the feast was rounded off with chocolate cakes, and an interesting selection of mystery drinks the lads had brewed up in the food hub at school in the weeks prior to touring. Certain fathers found the interesting mix of salt, chocolate and various curries a little exotic. Gilroy ask for a doggy bag and was onto his favourite Curry emporium in Heswell asking them to copyright the concoction and get it to him by 20.30hrs every Friday night from now on. Matty McA was shocked to see so much chocolate cake wasted that we was still white with worry the next day...

Knowing it was going to be a tough tour, the dads sipped on mineral water and stuck to the low-carb and high protein options b4 having a soothing fruit smoothy to round things off.A small group of dads made sure the route home was safe for the boys by interrogating the locals in the local about a wide array of things from local wedding rituals through to a review of the number of glasses behind the bar, Gio’s dad was found flashing his lights in the car park. A brave thing to do in the middle of no where on a Saturday night.

Back at Savio the boys obviously cleaned teeth, got out a good book (Biggles was the main reading material of choice) and asked for lights off by 22.00hrs. The dads embarked on a fascinating debated on the chemical makeup of various common substances and compounds b4 retiring to a blissful night of unbroken slumber.

After 8 hours of sound, uninterrupted sleep, enjoying the fresh air of the local hillside (or was it another side...) the boys sprang from bed, took their well packed bags and were tucking into a health b’fast of fruit ,Croissant, pan-au-chocolate and juice.

We couldn’t get the hoovers to work, tricky things to operate, especially after our special cleaning technicians had serviced them overnight...muppets.

With the boys in full game mode. We were just about to depart Savio to arrive early at Mac for a full warm up when disaster struck. Heavy rain meant no playing fields. We were gutted. The dads enquired “can we have a full fry up now, all this rabbit food is messing up my system”. In fairness the u8's touch event was almost called off. Contact rugby was an absolute no-no, which was a pity after the boys had eaten and sleep in a manner more associated with Olympic athletes than rugby tourists (!!!!). Thanks to Ian at Mac for doing an early pitch inspection, and even going the extra mile and checking out the schools sports ground b4 reluctantly calling off the game.

So the only score line we got with Mac over the weekend was the 35-31 win the dads witnessed vs Cinderford. Good game with Mac coming back hard in the second half bit like the Saints the day prior at Sandbach.

We departed Bollington to assemble at Eastham for training and to review the scene of the 1stXV great escape by winning and getting a bonus point for 4 tries. The Wags lunch must have been a winner as well as they were still cleaning up the clubhouse at gone 12 the next day.

Thanks to all tourists, what goes on tour stays on tour. We have already committed to another tour next year and will start the planning NOW! Savio have already committed they are full, as are Butlins in North Wales....

We never did get to find out what was in the roof box but Statos clip board didnt turn up either, if you lost anything else on tour and want it back...good luck, if you ask Mike he will smile at you knowing he was right about the travelers after all.

------------------------------------

Post tour it has come to the organisers attention that
“Further to the stimulating debate engendered by Phil on Saturday evening
I know everyone was keen to resolve some of the burning and un-answreed
questions. So just to put your minds at ease, see below;

All the major components of flatulence, including methane, are odourless
and percentages are in the following ranges;

Nitrogen: 20-90%
Hydrogen: 0-50%
Carbon dioxide: 10-30%
Oxygen: 0-10%
Methane: 0-10%

Methane is a relatively potent greenhouse gas, 72 times stronger than
CO2 but CO2 is around 2000 times more abundant in the atmosphere.
Methane gas, at ambient temperature is lighter than air. The lesser
component gases of emitted during flatulence, methane and hydrogen are
flammable, and so flatus containing adequate amounts of these can be
ignited.

The unpleasant odour associated with flatulence is in part due to the
presence of indoles, chemical by-products of the digestion of meat.
However, gas chromatography testing in 1984 revealed that
sulphur-containing compounds, such as methanethiol, hydrogen sulphide
(rotten egg smell) and dimethyl sulphide, were also responsible for the
smell.

The incidence of foul smelling compounds in flatulence emissions is
believed to increase from herbivores, such as cattle, through omnivores
to carnivorous species (suggesting that the vegetable jalfrezi would
have been a safer bet than the lamb bhuna).

Anyone who thought the tour was all about a load of @@@@@ up blokes
sitting round and talking @@@@ obviously wasn't there on Saturday
evening.

ends